You know when you think finally things are going your way. You finally feel comfortable with something and you know where you're headed? Then BOOM! Something puts you back into reality and it just totally sucks. That's how I feel.
I was starting to become comfortable with Wesley's future. He seemed to be making awesome progress in both the social and speech area's. I could stop dreading what was to come. Then I get the draft copy of his IEP for our meeting on Monday and I'm sucker punched back into reality. To see his progress, or lack of progress, on paper makes me feel ill. I'm proud of the work he's done and I know none of it was easy for him. I just can't stop seeing the deficits and feeling like we're never going to get where he should be.
The school uses the Rubric scale. Each subject, if you will, is broken down to area's and each area is broken down to levels. So fine motor might be broken down into 5 area's and those five area's are broken down into levels. They changed the scale since last year since that was the first year they used it, so I can't really compare from last year's IEP. Once again, in one area, he's not even on the scale. How heartbreaking that is for me to see. It's almost like we've gone backwards. Of course there are some subjects that he's just taking off and that's great. I see him starting to spell words and counting to 30, but then he just can't seem to cut with a pair of scissors or play next to a peer.
So I spent another night crying for my son and where he's at. I need to just push through those feelings and work even harder with him turning every single thing we do into a lesson. I'm contacting all this outside therapists for any recommendations they think he would benefit from in school and making sure they are added into his IEP.
Even God got a day to rest, so I'm waiting for my turn.
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It's been nearly 9 years since my last post. Wow, have things changed! I'm not sure why I stopped posting to my blog. It was mos...
3 comments:
(((hugs)))
It's okay to be sad and worried. But you're amazing because you just keep on going. No matter what. Wes is so lucky to have you in his corner. All of your hard is working...it is making a difference :-) Keep your chin up!
:-)
Jessica:
Look, hang in there. What you are seeing IS extremely tough. Unfortunately, I know exactly what you are going through.
If you are seeing progress, you are seeing progress. It just means he isn't making progress on a scale.
I think it is very important to remember that your son isn't a regular kid. A scale can't measure where he is exactly. It is also important to remember that you need to use the IEP as a baseline. It hurts that it is all there in black and white. But when he overcomes one of the objectives/goals. Another will replace it.
Our kids are behind the 8 ball. The fact that they have to have an IEP is a reality punch in the stomach. But the question you have ask is - do the teachers, administrators and therapists care to help Wes get to the next set of objectives. Are they engaged? If so, then you move on. That's all we can all do in our situation.
I said it in a blog posting last week. Demetrius isn't on grade level with his reading. But he loves books. Which would I rather have? I want him to love reading. I don't care if he gets there at 8 or at 10 - I just care that he eventually gets as far as he can go, at the pace he can best go at.
You'll never be numb to it. And tears are okay, but understand that you can't move a mountain in a day - and having our autistic kids is moving very big mountains. Keep going forward - that is all you can do.
And give yourself a break. For you and Wes. You aren't going to solve anything over night, you are going to make it better over time. Why do I know this? Because you care!
Cheers
Your last line made me laugh!
It is hard seeing it in black and white.
As you say many things are not easy for Wes so it sounds to me that he is making remarkable progress with the tools he has.
Hugs
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