Small Victory; Small set backs

We will finally be able to start Speech Therapy tomorrow! I called the insurance company again to double check they received the referral and was told by a customer service rep (I made sure to take down her name and ID #) that as long as the in network provider receives the referral from Wes' Pediatrician and that it is coded under EI, then we are all set! What a relief. We've had to cancel twice now. One was because of snow, but it's a good thing because we didn't have the referral yet. The second time was because no one was on the same page. I am 99% sure we are there this time.

Last night, there was a wet wipe on the coffee table. Wes got down from eating dinner (well not really eating), picked up the wipe and brought it to the trash in the kitchen. Tim jumped up from his seat to see if he actually saw what he saw. Sure enough, the wipe was sitting at the top of the trash heap. It was totally unprompted but we don't know why he did it. We still praised him up to high heaven though.

It's been another rough day for me today and I'm really not sure why. I picked Wes up from daycare and we needed to run an errand before heading home. I was dreading a meltdown for not going straight home but it didn't come. I made sure to tell him what was going on even if he didn't understand. It's hard to tell what he does and doesn't get. I turned around in my seat and Wes was staring out the window with a complete blank stare. I called his name about 5 times before I gave up and burst into tears. Where is my son? All I want is a small recognition, a smile, a glance, anything! I want my boy and I can't find him.

The other set back is I've noticed he's doing a lot of toe walking lately. It used to be just when he was doing his "happy dance" but he's doing it a lot more. I guess it's a thing kids with autism do. I don't know if I should start him on physical therapy as well for it. I guess I'll have to ask Jodi (his OT)

Tonight, after his bath, he was laying on the floor playing with the towel. He was holding up two ends and slowly making the ends touch, but just barely. He was almost entranced by this. I had to call his name 3 times before he stopped and joined the world again. More and more it seems like I'm losing him. Maybe it's just me and I want results, I don't know. I thought that the therapy was supposed to help keep him in our world longer then his world.

This is the most frustrating thing I have ever had to deal with. He makes great progress, and then something else starts. I just want to take a baseball bat and hit something with all my might so that something else might feel my pain, feel his pain. It isn't fair. I want something to feel the frustrations we both feel.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day