We have bad news about Casey. About a week ago, we had an ultrasound to check Casey's kidney. He was born with Hydronepherosis which is dilation of the kidney. Back in Nov/Dec we had some testing to rule out reflux and blockage. The ultrasound showed an increase in the fluid so we're thinking the blockage is worse. He will need surgery if the new MAG 3 scan we're having done shows an increase in fluid. The MAG 3 scan is basically a large x-ray machine that takes pictures of Casey's kidney every minute for 45 minutes. It times how long it takes his kidney to drain of fluid. If it takes too long, then there's an obstruction, blockage, or kink in his ureter.
How am I supposed to handle all of Wes' therapies and whatnot AND my baby having surgery? I am going to be a total wreck! The blue skies I have been feeling are once again clouded over. Things start to look bright and then BOOM! A new wrench is thrown into my life. What the hell did my kids do to deserve this? What did I do that my kids deserve all this shit. I'm sorry, but I am just so mad. I need someone to be mad at. More and more each day, I'm leaning towards not having any more kids. I can not go through more medical crap with another child. I can't do that to any other child. It wouldn't be fair.
Will it ever end?
How am I supposed to handle all of Wes' therapies and whatnot AND my baby having surgery? I am going to be a total wreck! The blue skies I have been feeling are once again clouded over. Things start to look bright and then BOOM! A new wrench is thrown into my life. What the hell did my kids do to deserve this? What did I do that my kids deserve all this shit. I'm sorry, but I am just so mad. I need someone to be mad at. More and more each day, I'm leaning towards not having any more kids. I can not go through more medical crap with another child. I can't do that to any other child. It wouldn't be fair.
Will it ever end?
2 comments:
Jessica,
I hope that things turn out okay and he doesn't need surgery, but if he does, we are all here to talk if you just need a friend. :)
I know how busy you are and how bad you feel with all this going on. Remember I was there this past year in many of the same ways. Our babies don't deserve this, but sometimes life throws us for a loop and we just have to make the best of it.
How is Wesley doing with his therapies? I hope they are helping you all get set into a routine because that is going to make things much easier on all of you.
Jessica- Big huge HUGS!!! You will get through it. I wish I had an answer as to why our kids go through this. I have spent some much time wondering what I did wrong to have all of our losses and then for C having Down syndrome. I feel like I have been singled out and it's fine to pick on me, but a child? C'mon... leave the little ones alone and let them have a perfect, blessed childhood. You know I am religiously challanged and this kind of thing is why. People say that God doesn't make bad things happen. ok then... we thank how for the good so why can't we have some good. Why have we been through so much and know many friends (MAM's specifically) who are wonderful women and have been through so much heartache. They don't deserve that pain. Don't get me wrong, C is perfect, I know that, but I am always a bit sad about the harder life she will face.
Casey will get through this and you will get through this and if you need to cut back a bit on Wes's therapies for a few weeks, then that's just what you do. It's that terrible mommy balance. It's easy to think about not having another baby but you and I know it's a crap shoot and ever bad day is balanced by so many wonderful seconds. The fact that seconds can outweight days, that makes it all worth it. Your kids are not suffering. They have food, clothing, a warm bed and most importantly people who love and care for them so much. Nobody can suffer with all of that love.
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