Apple doesn't fall very far

Since Wesley has been diagnosed and I learn more and more about autism, I start to wonder. I know all of us have sensory and autistic tendencies, but I wonder just how much is a tendency and how much makes you actually have either of those.

I'm sharing deep here so bear with me for a moment. I've always felt socially awkward. In grade school, it wasn't always easy for me to make friends or make myself available to make friends. Even now in adulthood, I find myself wishing I could join the other Mommies on the playground, but I don't know what to say. I found it difficult to go up to people and start conversations. In my mind, the starters never sounded smart or eloquent. Maybe they aren't supposed to be. Eye contact was never especially easy for me either. I try hard to make and maintain eye contact, but sometimes it's just overwhelming and I have to look away. I know how Wes feels and how much he's achieved with that small feat.

Social ques are tricky too. I pick up on them, but don't always interpret them correctly. Tim can attest to that I think. I don't always 'get it' when people are sarcastic and sometimes my joke aren't understood either.

There certainly is a bit of OCD here. I like things the way I like them and sometimes to such a degree that Tim and I argue. I can't stand clutter and crumbs being everywhere. I'm not the best housekeeper, but when they start to pile up, I go on a bender. Clothes need to be washed, dried, and put away. After eating, the table must be washed, chairs cleaned off and floor swept. My wonderful husband doesn't see the need. He's not OCD. I also feel much better when I know what's going to happen. If we make plans, I like to know where it is we're going, how long it takes to get there and get home, how long we're going to stay, and what can I expect there. Not as bad as it sounds, but I still like to plan. It makes me edgy when a monkey wrench is thrown into the plans. I'd say Wes has the same issue but to a more larger degree.

Does all this mean I may be on the spectrum somewhere? Maybe. It certainly leaves a bad taste in my mouth because the blame game starts. Am I the reason for my son having autism? His genes came out clean in the wash (he's been to a geneticist), but maybe there's something else there. Food for thought.