Wes has been on vacation this week and we've been stuck indoors due to the weather and the constant snow (Thanks again Mother Nature!). We needed a day out of the house so I decided to take the kids to The Children's Metamorphosis Museum. I hadn't been there, but so many people have said good things about it so it was going to be our day out for today.
It was smaller than I had expected. There was only one other parent and child there when we arrived so it was rather quiet and the boys had their run of the place for all of 15 minutes. Being it's vacation and the weather has sucked the big one this year, everyone was heading to the minimal amount of indoor places for kids. As it filled up, Wes became too overstimulated and refused to go into the larger room where most of the kids were hanging out. Instead, he wanted to hang by the front door and desk stimming like a mad man and visually stimming off the chaos in the other room. Every time someone said anything, he repeated it with such gusto. I could already see some of the other kids staring at him. I tried so hard to get him involved in some of the things in the small room. There was a rice table, a water table and a small train table. He wanted nothing to do with any of it and when I tried to engage him, he started to throw a mini-tantrum. Oh boy! Casey was playing so nicely with the train table. Pushing the trains along the tracks and down the hills. Totally content and behaving! The longer we were there, the worse Wes was getting. After less than an hour, I decided we needed to leave before Wes had a meltdown from the overload. Casey was not happy with me as I put on our coats and hats to make our way to the car. He was crying so pitifully, it broke my heart.
After I got the kids in the car, I broke down. I cried for Wes who just couldn't handle the activities that typical kids do. I cried for Casey who got the shit end of the stick again because we had to leave when he was having fun. I selfishly cried for me. As I drove home, I pictured 5 years from now when Casey is six years old and wants to go somewhere and I have to say no because Wes can't tolerate it. Or dragging Casey here and there to Wes' appointments even when he doesn't want to go.
Tim has tomorrow off and our play date with Z was moved to tomorrow too. I told Tim that he needs to spend the day with Casey doing something really fun that a 1 year old can enjoy. Another one of those indoor places I'm sure. I'll be sure to pack hand sanitizer!
Fast Forward
It's been nearly 9 years since my last post. Wow, have things changed! I'm not sure why I stopped posting to my blog. It was mos...
6 comments:
Jess, I'm sorry it was such a hard time for you. I went there recently for the 1st time with Charlie. I'm glad it was just him. He loved it, but I could see that if I had taken Will as well, it would have been a horrible experience in the same way as yours. Soon enough Wes will have fuller days at school and Casey will have his time, don't worry.
It is difficult sometimes. I perseverd as im sure you will. Over time my sons tolerance grew. I never imagined when he was small that it would. But it has. :)
You are braver than I - Stepping foot in a kids gym without another adult to keep you sane! I give you kudos for your relentless effort!!!
(((((HUG)))))
So sorry Jess. Does your area offer respite care? I have heard so many people go on and on about the benefits of this especially when you have other kids. Casey needs that time too so maybe try and set up someone to come in for respite even for 2 hours a week. Might be a thought. I am lucky that Claire does great in crowds, etc. but all kids have their issues. With Claire, it's more the stares that upset me. She wears her (dis)ability all the time on her face.... but of course, I LOVE that face!
There will be better days.
I've watched my two struggle with this over the years. It's been hard on them and there have been times that Y has been so upset and I felt just awful about it. It's gotten better as they've gotten older but there are times it's still a struggle. But when I see my two able to enjoy themselves in whatever outing we're doing I enjoy that moment. We didn't get there over night and it wasn't always an easy path.
Just keep trying and doing your best with Wes and Casey. Hopefully, it'll get a bit easier each time as your two get older.
I have the mommy guilt re:siblings, too. My daughter was our only child for 11 years. The time I'm going to have to spend with the twins doing therapies, etc. makes me feel so guilty for the time I'm losing with her. The tears are okay, whether because of self-pity, worry, or whatever. No one can know what you're going through unless they've walked a day in your shoes. You're a good mommy and your children will certainly know that!
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