I love it because I can take the kids out into the fresh air and let them run wild. The park we go to is fenced in so I don't have to worry about someone (Wes) running off and I have to chase him into the street. The particular park we go to is small enough that I can always see Wes, but large enough for lots of kids. It's a great place for Wes to get some social interaction and see how other kids socialize.
I hate it because my son is different. Instead of running around like the other kids, he sits on this bridge, flapping his arms and kicking his feet. I hate it because I can't sit and let Casey play for fear of Wes taking off or hurting another child and I'm not keeping an eye on him. I hate it because some of the children stare at him like he's a leper. I feel like a bad mother if we don't go to the park at least twice a week.
Today, after two days of rain, I packed the kiddos up and we went to the park. Wes went straight for that bridge and started flapping his hands and kicking his feet. One little girl walked past him and stared at him. She almost had this look of dislike as she made sure he wouldn't touch her. Then another little girl came by. Probably the same age or younger. She stooped next to him and asked if he was alright. He reached out and touched her nose and giggled. I don't think he knew what to think. I, of course, broke down. I tried hard not to cry in front of all those perfect soccer moms chitchatting with the others and drinking their coffee. I felt like my boys and I were outsiders. We didn't belong because we were different. That just totally sucks! I have tried making conversations in the past, but I end up excusing myself so I can stop Wesley from throwing dirt, or pushing another child out of the way, or sitting in the way of all the other children. Then of course, he throws a temper tantrum and I end up dragging us out of the park.
So that's my love/hate relationship with the park. Sad isn't it?
2 comments:
As I was looking for information on autism, I came over this site. From what I've read, I think you're a great mom for your children :)
I myself have a form of autism too (pdd-nos) so I can understand why your child chooses to sit in his normal safe spot and wobble along, because it feels secure and pleasent. Do't feel to sad he doesn''t play with the other children, he may just not be ready for that yet. When I was young I wanted to play with other children, but just couldn't. I didn't feel safe and oke with other kids, neither did I understand them. I just enjoyed my own world filled with love and play.
From what you wrote, I guess Wesley is still exploring all sorts of things. Like when touching that girls nose, he was probably just curious as to who and what is that? Let’s touch it, feel what it’s like. I suppose he still has to learn a lot about other children, but don’t worry, as long as he’s happy it’s oke. Stimulate him to play and let his fantasy go free, like with the blocks, is the right way. (I’ve played with duplo blocks for a long time, I’d build my own dream world of adventure.)
For Wesley it must be like going to Mars. All around him are these strange “things”, those aliens (other children). He doesn’t speak their language and can’t understand them. Furthermore, it’s a whole group of them running all over the place, how confusing this must be. There is just no way for him to even respond to these strange “things”, leave alone playing with them. From what I know, making contact with aliens in groups and insecure places is near impossible. But a 1 to 1 contact in a safe place is a much, much better way to learn how to speak alien-language. Once you think he is ready to play with other children, best is probably to introduce him to another child of his age (or younger) in a place he knows, like home. (Maybe you have friends who also have young children?) This should not be rushed in any way, you need to do it when ‘he’ is ready. Also, this won’t just start, most likely learning social skills and playing with others will be a long, difficult road.
Of course, this is a plan for the future if you ever find him being in need of better social contact. For now just let him play in his own world. When going to the park, don’t think about what others have that you and your kids don’t, as it’s not true. You have perfectly fine children, Wesley just needs some special attention and has a slower mental development then others, it doesn’t mean you’re an outsider. Maybe he doesn’t even want to play with others (strangers). You just got to find out what he wants to do and ignore those other things. If it is strange for him to sit down and wobble with his arms and legs, you may need to look at why he is doing it. Maybe there is happening too much around him at that moment to keep things in control, though all I can do is guess…
I wish you the best of luck and remember, Wesley is living in an other world then those children, no wonder he doesn’t play and understand the aliens that run around him ;)
P.S.: You shouldn’t focus your whole world on Wesley though. Maybe you should go to some small playground where you can let both your children play without having fear of Wesley running away and stuff, meaning you need to give him nearly all your attention.
dreamer -
Thank you so much for responding to my blog. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your input being on the spectrum yourself.
I try hard to just let him be who he is, but I have professionals telling me to keep him in our world. I find it endearing that he becomes very excited by the other children and loves watching them run about.
The playground we go to happens to be a small one where not alot of children play. Today, there was a group of children who were in a little league group that were finished practicing. They came to use the playground as well. It wasn't that Wes was overwhelmed. It was that he was in the way of the others running around and I had to drag him away to another spot.
I will take your advice and let him explore the world and everyone in it on his own, but stay near to guide him.
I hope that you will continue to check out my blog and please leave any comments or feedback that you want. I really value your opinion.
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