Stop the ride, I wanna get off!

These roller coaster of emotions has got to stop! I can't take it anymore. I used to be a person who had it all together. I knew where I was headed and I knew where I wanted to go. I was in control of my life. I have no idea anymore. I don't even know where I'm going tomorrow. Control is now in the hands of Autism. This horrible, mystifying disorder that controls my son's life, my life, my family's life.
Just when I think I have things under some sort of control, I turn around and realize I never had it to begin with. I am in a good mood, I know where we're headed in Wes' treatment, but something new pops up and it's gone in a flash. A new therapy is introduced or mentioned and I start to spiral again, thinking, why on earth didn't I find this out before. Why did I wait to find this out. Are we too late to start? Will it work for Wes or are we wasting precious time on this when something is better out there.
I will fully admit that I have never cried so much in my entire life. I am actually crying at least, at least, once a day. That's a good day for me if it's only once. I just think of how, why, where? How did he get this? Why him? Where did it come from and where do we go from here? Little things set me off on a crying jag. I have never felt so lost in my life.
I worry every day about Casey as well. I know deep in my heart that I can't give him the full attention he deserves. The kind of attention Wes got as a baby and that puts fear into me. Fear that he will also have Autism and I didn't pay enough attention while he was a baby. I also fear about having two kids on the spectrum. One is hard enough.
I've broken down and found myself a therapist. I need someone to talk to. Someone who can help me sort out my feelings and just listen. Maybe it's just sadness, or maybe it's partly postpartum depression. I'm not sure, but I can't take these ups and downs anymore.